Meeting Challenge for Wednesday, April 30

Beginner: “We need to re-think our precautions. We’re so busy putting angry squid in the moat that we haven’t made sure the drawbridge works.”

Advanced: “Is this just a boiling oil situation, or should we be throwing cows over the wall?”

Bonus: “It does us no good in the long run to leap into a suit of armor and go charging off if we haven’t figured out underpants.”

Meeting Challenge for Tuesday, April 29

Beginner: “Plenty of people are rushing to take the reins on this one. What we need is someone to muck out the stalls.”

Advanced: “Let’s not try to grow a horn on its head before we get the shoes nailed on.”

Bonus: “If your project is galloping along that smoothly, you should be looking for the pole in its back.”

Meeting Challenge for Monday, April 28

Beginner: “Are we filling the experience buckets with slop? Or with gold and slop?”

Advanced: “We’re taking care of filling the troughs, but who’s emptying the vomit bins?”

Bonus: “We know that one bad apple can rot the whole barrel. We need to focus on being such good apples that we can rejuvenate the gangrenous tissue. Or at least make zombie apples.”

A Quick Refresher

Challenge rules

Say it. Say it in your important, pointless corporate meeting.

Beginner level: 10 points

Advanced level: 30 points

Bonus: 20 points

If someone else says it in the meeting, jump in and use it as though it is a totally normal thing. You can fist-bump each other later. Just be cool. Supporting someone else’s Meeting Challenge initiation gets you an automatic award of half points. That person may pull you aside after the meeting and award you extra points at his or her discretion.

Terminology is thrown around at another meeting by someone you’re pretty sure is not familiar with this Tumblr: 100 points

Terminology becomes regularly used jargon at your company meetings: 1,000 points per phrase

Tally up the points monthly, or keep lifetime scores, or ignore them. It’s up to you. One thing this game isn’t is another stupid procedure-bound meeting.

Anonymous said: We also miss you at [REDACTED] multi-national mass media entertainment corporation. Hope your meetings are going well!

We miss you too, multi-national mass media entertainment corporation — you and people on required attendees lists all over the world.

We are in the discovery phase of preliminary meetings re: starting up this tumblr again, reaching out with partners to create synergy and optimize experiences, all while being cutting-edge and thinking outside the box.

…With the disclaimer that should things get cray again — the bad kind of cray, not the good kind — we will be forced to shut down immediately.

But with luck, we can soon be PowerPoints of light in each other’s hearts once again.

Anonymous said: When are you coming back? We're really missing the challenge here at the internet's largest search engine.

Internet’s largest search engine, we miss you too. (We see you every day, of course, but rest assured that we miss you.) Unfortunately, circumstances arose that made us concerned that continuing the Challenge might be irresponsible. And not the good kind of irresponsible.

Should that change, we will return.

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.

Meeting Challenge for Tuesday, July 31

Beginner: “We’ve got to go against the grain, not turn into a frog just because that’s the other tadpoles’ business model. Why not a badger?”

Advanced: “If we’re going to advertise, let’s not be coy about it. Let’s blow our necks out and really make some noise.”

Bonus: “To hell with waiting around for a princess. Let’s pile on the Chap-stick and kiss 75 girls from the scullery.”

Meeting Challenge for Monday, July 30

Beginner: “We can go a little fancier with it, but let’s make sure it’s only at a rhythmic gymnastics level, not full-blown horse dressage.”

Advanced: “We need to accept the basic parameters here. We’re not going to break any power lifting records without a little grunting.”

Bonus: “Let’s think outside the box. Why can’t we give our goalie some giant bat wings and a chest cannon?”

Meeting Challenge for Thursday, July 26

Beginner: “If somebody moved our cheese, then, yeah, we should go out looking for different cheese. And then we should bring back a hunk of that new cheese and put it in the old spot with a bunch of habanero sauce on it.”

Advanced: “‘Good-to-Great’ is a low bar. We should be aiming for ‘Great-to-Is-That-Legal?’”

Bonus: You know how the Smurfs used the word “smurf?” We should be doing that with the word “excellence.”

Meeting Challenge for Wednesday, July 25

Beginner: “If we’re going to leave our porridge out on the table like this, let’s not be surprised if it’s gone when we get back.”

Advanced: “Let’s confront this issue head-on. It’s the only way to catch a salmon with your face.”

Bonus: “There’s got to be more we can do in these woods.”